I've been sabotaged!

I think this might be the end for me. Early yesterday evening I started to feel incredibly ill, with it carrying on to today. I haven't felt this bad in a long time so I have my suspicions on how it started.
While walking around the area yesterday I could have sworn I saw a caped figure following me around every now and then.

Now, this could mean one of two things;

• I have a rival, in which case I need to get back to being healthy as soon as possible.
  
  Or...
  
  
• I actually am ill and I was hallucinating.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pass out.

Mercenaries 2: Venezuela Supervillain Training

Image by csullens via FlickrI recently added the Xbox 360 game Mercenaries 2 to my gaming collection. And while I think I might need to hire an exterminator as a result of all the bugs and glitches in the game, I came to realise that it could actually work as a pretty decent simulation of how to invade a small section of Venezuela.

Of course, it's somewhat lacking in the super-villain department as you're only able to play as either a British, American or Swedish mercenary. That said, you are able to buy new weapon drops such as artillery strikes, bunker busters, etc. Which would come in handy when I eventually end up taking on Venezuela.
All the game needs is a secret underground lair and some death rays and it'll be the perfect super-villain training programme for invading Venezuela.

Speaking of taking on Venezuela, I need to figure out which order I should take on the major countries when I finally get around to taking over the world. The USA would definitely be first though, they tend to get involved in almost every war there is so if I'll have to fight them eventually I might as well take them on first.

Haiku Monday

While I'm thinking up some new plans, I thought I'd have a go at writing some evil haikus. Never tried it before but the minute I let things conquer me is the minute I stop conquering the world.

That sounded better in my head.

Looking so evil,
Thinking up evil ideas,
Can't get more evil.

Being evil is,
Quite awesome but sometimes so,
So very lonely

Weapon plans swirling,
Around my large, pulsing brain,
Great one coming up

Feel free to submit some other evil-themes haikus in the comments. Yours might even be better than mine. *cough*Asifthat'spossible*cough*

Some additions to my top 10 world take over list

Some honourable mentions to add to my top 10 world take over list thanks to Nigel Cooke (supplier of the SETI image).

• An over the top evil name. I've mostly got this down but any evil villain, super or not, needs an over the top evil name. How else are you going to make someone underestimate you so you can then easily crush them like a bug?
• An evil catchphrase. You're not an evil villain if you don't have an evil catch phrase. Personally I am still working on mine, but when I get one you'll all fear the very mention (however slight) of it.

If you think you can add to this list or feel you can better Nigel's suggestions, feel free to suggest more possible additions in the comments and I may add them to my next list. I'm certain I'll make another one when the need arises.

Top 10 list of things I need to take over the world

I've decided to compile a list of things I will need to take over the world. Some things are actual objects I can use, others are things that I can use to compile or design those objects.

1. At least one SETI satellite dish. As the saying goes, if the going gets tough, invite some aliens along to the party.
   
   
   By Nigel Cooke
   
   
2. A deep, underground lair. Deep enough to escape any nuclear fallout and formidable enough that I cannot be harmed by an outside force.
   
   
   By Andy C
   
   
3. Spore. Yes, you read that right, I need a PC game. Where else can I design my evil creations (creatures, buildings and vehicles) before I manufacture/bioengineer them?
   
   
   By Jim Stanger
   
   
4. Woopra. How else am I going to follow your every move about my blog (and eventually across my international FireKill(er) internets)?
   
   
   By daysies
   
   
5. Suitably evil but cool-looking costume, possibly with a cape. Every self-respecting super-villain has his own costume with which to intimidate his/her foes.
   
   
   By Mirka23
   
   
6. A nemesis, preferably of the superhero variety. Everyone needs a nemesis. Whether you're young or old, a guy or a girl, you'll achieve more with a nemesis.
   
   
   By Puck90
   
   
7. Minions. Lots and lots of minions! No one can hope to conquer the world (through any means) without minions. They come in all shapes, sizes, persuasions, genders and colours.
   
   
   By Matthew Field
   
   
8. A laser beam weapon of some sort. Nothing beats the destructive power coupled with the inherent coolness factor of a laser beam weapon. Whether you're shining someone in the eye or pulling the moon to Earth, you look cool.
   
   
   By Jeff Sherman
   
   
9. An evil girlfriend. I know this may seem severely unimportant but an evil counterpart at your side while you're striking down the masses is a great thing to have. Whether it be for moral support or simply for someone to show off your evilness to.
   
   
   
   By News Fedora
   
   
   
10. Sharks with frickin' laser beams! Come on, I had to. No, I really did. It's rule #1 in the super-villain guidebook.
    
    
    By Mike B

Once I have all these things, you will all tremble in fear! Like, totally...

Woopra Guys Saw Sense

About a week ago I applied to have this blog's stats tracked by Woopra's real time analytics and I've finally been approved!

It seems that the team over at Woopra saw sense and didn't want to die a horrible, but somehow ironic death. I hear it sometimes takes months for websites to be approved so it appears that I instilled fear into their hearts.

I can now track your very movements about my website in real time, mwahahaha! I can even chat with you if I wanted to while you browsed this blog.

Note to self: Include the name Woopra in my possible evil names (my list of possible names for weapons, plans, days of the week, etc.).

P.S. I'm not sure why someone like me would need to apply like all the lesser beings out there but it's one of those things (like the extinction of everyone that knows my identity) that have to be done.

Suffering Ending? Ha!

This just came through the door of my secret lair (more secret than lair). Those religious types have no idea how wrong they are...
Mwahahahahahahahaaaaa!!!

Update: Gyro Cube

Right, first things first, my material hunt (and then implementation) didn't go too well.

It turns out that multi-dimensional metal doesn't exist. YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME!
Despite the non-existence of the base component, I decided to press on and hopefully make it work. Of course I had to use regular sheet metal and install a door but this was design flaw easily solved by putting trails of marzipan throughout the surrounding area and having them all lead back to the open door. The way I thought about it was, if someone as clearly evil as me likes marzipan, all you non-evil people should love it. I love the way my mind works sometimes.

Another problem I came up against was the suction method. I originally came up with using a small black hole but I soon realised that it would suck in my box, then me and soon afterwards, the world. Now, I may be evil but I'm not about to destroy the world I want to control. Not like SOME super-villains I know. You know who you are.
So I originally came up with the totally awesome and cost effective idea of using around 15+ vacuum cleaners and link up the nozzles to a main nozzle to create fifteen times the normal amount of suction. Unfortunately, for this I needed fifteen power sockets and I could only find one.

So, unfortunately, my first weapon plan didn't go too well. But as you all know basement cat didn't create evil in just one day, so have patience.

Note to self: Build a lair and install 15 or more power sockets.

Weapon Plan: Gyro Cube

Right, so. I've got this totally evil and awesome idea for a new weapon to help me on my way to becoming a totally evil super-villain. So, there I was, sitting on the toilet and I get this idea for a weapon. It'll be about the size of a small van and will have the power to suck in and crush everything imaginable. Of course there'll be a bit of time between it sucking things in and when it crushes them. So while it builds up the power, the multi-dimensional metal (haven't worked out where I can get that yet) will stop letting matter through its structure and trap everything inside.
Also, it'll play a bit of elevator music to calm people down. Then just before they're crushed, the music will stop. Leaving them in a state of confusion before they die. Mwahahahahaha!

I haven't really locked down everything I'll need but here's a small list I've put together.

• Multi-dimensional metal (around 15 metres)
• Power source to power all the components
• An empty lot to house my structure (might use a free space in a car park)

That's all I've really been able to figure out yet but never fear, I'm going out tomorrow to try and find out what else I need and find where I can get the materials I already know about.
I think I'm gonna make it spin or something.

For a little insight into my thought processes, here's a small section of my plans.

Totally Twitterly

Just registered on this new fangled site called Twitter. This could totally help me spread my evil message across the known world.

You can find my Twitter badge on the sidebar on the right, but if you're lazy just click this link and become some of my first followers. Also, by clicking that link, you've also submitted your name to be put onto the slave list to work on the Tetrahedral structures that I will demand be built in my new world order. You lazy people need to be put to work!

Note to self: When I own the world, kill the Twitter team last.

Evil? Totally...

Congratulations, you've found the blog of the totally evil (almost) super-villain, FireKill(er). I sort of haven't decided on whether I want the 'er' there or not but it's not like people will be telling me to choose when I'm kidnapping their family or something.

You're most likely here because you found my calling card at the scene of a crime. The police don't seem to have realised yet but that means that I was responsible.
I mean, how many kittens do I need to kidnap before I get noticed around here? Maybe I need to step up my game a bit.

Come to think of it, I really do need to start doing more evil things. I'm running out of things to boast about at parties. As an (almost) super-villain, I can't meet girls at work so I have to rely on parties that my minions throw. I say minions, they're not really my minions, more like friends. But they'll be my minions soon, whether they know it yet or not!
But as I was saying, it's really getting tedious having to tell the same stories over and over again and passing them off as recent events. I'm even starting to have to resort to using my stories from my 'villain in training' days. And, well, it's not exactly easy to make a chocolate bar thief seem cool and glamorous.

By the way, in case you were wondering (or you're a complete idiot), the image up top is my calling card. Of course, if you're reading this in a feed reader, chances are you won't be able to see it so just click through to the blog itself.